Danny Tanner - _The Finest Grind_
(Manicidic Records, 2007)
by: Quentin Kalis (6.5 out of 10)
In the early nineties, an especially emetic American 'family' sitcom was gaining mysterious popularity and syndicated worldwide. The name of that alleged sitcom was "Full House" (bugger waterboarding -- show this to inmates at Guantanamo Bay and bin Laden will be in US custody within two weeks) and one of the prime irritants was Bob Saget's character, Danny Tanner. A testament to its undeserved popularity is the fact that I sadly -- and thankfully, am not alone -- remember this; no Googling was necessary.

The members of this duo also remember this banal character from a banal sitcom. Why it's apt for a grindcore band, I don't know. Perhaps "Full House" and tales of ripping entrails from a dead virgin's vagina have similar effects to ipecac?

Moving on to the music, Danny Tanner call themselves an "experimental death metal and grindcore" band, but the inclusion of a few jazzy passages is hardly sufficient for bestowing the "experimental" adjective. Neither are they particularly well-incorporated, and are at best fleeting diversions.

I am no fan of spoken samples, but their use pales into insignificance against the presence of programmed drums, which sound especially artificial during blasting passages. Programmed drums do have their place, but not as a substitute for a real drummer; if Danny Tanner were in a remote hamlet, I would understand if they could not find a suitable extreme drummer, but it cannot be that hard to find a suitable musician in their hometown.

Other than the above, Danny Tanner do make a reasonable stab (no pun intended) at the genre, but an inconsistent recording level, clumsy and unnecessary use of jazzy samples and extremely artificial drums scream 'amateurs' more loudly than the crudely drawn cover (which does have a certain inexplicable appeal) ever could. More's the pity, as several songs do have potential, but are ruined by at least one of the above. Maybe one day they will release an album that will deserve the title of _The Finest Grind_; this sure isn't it.

Contact: http://www.myspace.com/dannyFNtanner

(article published 16/2/2008)


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