Keelhaul sail back this August
by: Daniel Cairns
No, they aren't one of the myriad dumbass pirate metal bands that are absolutely pissing everywhere at the moment. Keelhaul are basically the best band in the world (I guarantee they're better than any of the fragrant corpsepainted, melodeath shitheaps that you and your idiot friends masturbate violently over) and nobody knows it.

Anyway, they have a new record coming out and it's called _Triumphant Return to Obscurity_. It's officially out on August 18th on Hydrahead records, and from what I've heard, it rocks harder than your grandmother in my bath. Tracklisting is as follows:

1. Pass the Lampshade
2. Glorious Car Activities
3. Everything's a Napkin
4. High Seas Viking Eulogy
5. THC for one
6. The Subtle Sound of an Empty Milkshake
7. El Matador
8. Kirby Wurm
9. Bandolero de Perros De Maiz
10. Waiting for the Moon to Speak
11. Brady's Lament
12. KFB

For reasons known only to me and a few others I find the track title "Brady's Lament" utterly hilarious and poignant. All I'll say is that it involves a man, copious amounts of LSD and a trip to see amateur wrestling.

Basically, if you want to hear what Mastodon could have sounded like if they hadn't taken shitloads of cocaine and taken a mystical journey up their anus, Keelhaul are for you. Not that I don't like Mastodon. I really do. It's just if they were forced into a crossroads style duel, I reckon Keelhaul would jam the fuck out of Mastodon because, you know... they're better. I mean, would Mastodon do a song called "Tits of War?"

Case closed.

For more Keelhaul based nonsense, visit the following:

(article submitted 16/7/2009)

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